Sunday, November 10, 2019

The Hairpin Chronicles: Reboot Volume 1, Issue 2




The Hairpin Chronicles

Reboot: Volume 1 Issue 1


November 2019



If you like these Chronicles, then thank “Q” because she does not let up and holds me accountable for writing them (thank you Q!)



Hola, como estas? I’m good (or at least that’s the lie I tell myself regularly.)  Of course as soon as I begin my own pity party, I buck up and tell myself, I’ve got it good when there’s a lot of people in the world who have it so much worse than I do.  “Fake it till you make it,” right?



I tell myself that this is a coping mechanism, but I’m not sure if it is.  Perhaps like most things in life, the answer lies in the gray area between “yes, it is” and “no, it is not.”  As a result of my muddled emotional and mental health, I have immersed myself in the pursuit of “self-helpery” (a term I love and admittedly stole from the author Jen Sincero.)  It should be noted that I was seeing a counselor, but due to the constraints of our wonderful healthcare system, I’ve been without one for several months, arguably when I need one most.  For this reason, I’m leaning in on the things I want to do or wanted to do but couldn’t because of a fixation of putting family first.  “Me vs. Family” – it’s very similar to what came first, “the chicken or the egg.”  How can I neglect the family over my needs, but if I don’t address my needs, then how can I meet the needs of my family?  That’s the quandary I was in, but I’m shifting to me-first.



I’m in good to great shape physically and I signed up for my first triathlon which is April 29th a week before my 50th birthday.  I’m finishing up a really fun and cathartic dance workshop that culminates in a recital in mid-December.  If a video is made available, then I will definitely share it.  In two weeks, I will be performing in a cabaret/burlesque benefit show. This is my third time performing with this organization that produces shows that raise funds to end violence against women.  If you cannot attend, please consider donating to the cause: https://4thuartivists.com/current-production/



I am also looking at signing up for a philosophy work shop, aikido/tai chi, or a different dance workshop as I continue my quest to find out who I am.  You know the struggle that every almost-50 year old has, “What am I going to be when I grow up?”



Life loves to throw you into comical situations.  I’m a firm believer of this.  One Saturday when I was walking home, I was stopped by a teenager and his two friends.  The teenager told me his girlfriend had just broken up with him and he was seeking advice on how to deal.  I thought to myself, “wow, this kid has a good head on his shoulders.”  My first suggestion was “Celebrate, you don’t need her,” but I quickly realized this isn’t the answer he sought because he said he wasn’t going to celebrate.  He wanted to get back with her and couldn’t get her out of his head.  I felt for this kid.  Who hasn’t gone through this?  I then remembered that I was currently in a relationship situation that I didn’t want to be in and I was wasting a lot of time thinking about what could I have done better?  Can I fix it?  My next suggestion for him was really a suggestion from myself to myself.  I told him “Get busy.”  Do things that you like to do or do things that require focus and attention.  In my later years, I’ve really bought into “idle hands are the devil’s handiwork.”  For that kid and myself, stop thinking about thinking and do things that lead to positive things, even if incrementally small.



And now I present…


Haiku of the Month


The noise in my brain

Tries to stunt all the progress

Silence IS golden



As I struggle with the awkwardness of living alone again, I’ve become a bit too focused on jumping into a relationship.  I’m online dating which is simultaneously vexing and fascinating.  I feel like I have an acute skill at “reading” a person by their profile, yet I cannot seem to write one for myself that seems adequate.  I’ve had a few dates which are much more mechanical than the random hookup that used to occur on the bar scene.  One thing that has changed drastically since my pre-marriage dating days is the existence of normalized promiscuity which is now accepted as conscious or ethical non-monogamy (ENM.)  It works out quite well for those seeking hook ups.  And while I am ALL for hook ups, really I am, I still believe in and seek an authentic relationship. 



A quote that is really resonating with me right now is “People deserve to have their needs met in relationships.” And while I seek one or multiple relationships online, I have to remember that the most important relationship is the one between me and me.  Of course I find “me” to be very distant and sometimes non-communicative.  I really wish “me” would work on his open-ness and communication skills.  The good news is that I like “me” and won’t give up on him.



FYI, I finished Thing 1 and Thing 2’s fall soccer season as their head coach.  Thing 2’s team won their final tournament in the secondary talent division and Thing 1 WON first place in their division.  Both boys were instrumental in their team’s victories because they are both dominant soccer talents.  Of course you are cordially invited to boost my ego and insist the results were all due to magnificent coaching.



ACCOUNTABILITY SEGMENT (new addition to T.H.C. – as by sharing my goals, I am more accountable for pursuing them):



Goals as stated in Volume 1, Issue 1:



  • Create a 40-minute set of rock music song originals (or parodies) and play them in a live show for my 50th birthday (May-ish 2020) I now own two guitars – acoustic and electric
  • Complete a triathlon – signed up for a sprint triathlon on 4-26-2019
  • Fly to London, catch a Jaguars football game in Wembley Stadium, and possibly hang with “Jackie Chan” – no progress per se, but still very much on the to do list for 2020
  • Perform at least 24 times (twice a month) – two shows in November 2-19 and a recital in December 2019
  • OR land a gig at a comedy club helping the booker or wrangling comics at an open mic – not so much to report
  • Finishing a book or screenplay – the book is my guide on raising children though the moral of the story is not to have them in the first place, and the screenplay would be an original tale of several characters interconnected in their dysfunctional lives OR a re-write of The Warriors (A grotesque thought, I know but I didn’t say I’d do ALL of this) – I’m prioritized my own self-helpery, but I have ideas and one or two titles
  • Visit the Dakota Hairpins – no plans per se, but I will pursue more frequent nationwide travel to family in friends in 2020 and beyond



And above all, continue the resplendent resurgence of the Hairpin Chronicles.  Until next time…



Your friend, (this is where I sign off with several of the monikers I have enjoyed over the last two decades)

Judgy Hairpin,

Coach,

RayShawn,

B-Roll,

The Brooklyn Prophet,

Li’l Jackie,

Schmendrick,

Jasper Hackenburg,

Hairpin,

Or if you prefer
Eric

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